


mirror mirror

by xxyuevampzxx



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Trauma, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, im a sucker for yuesing angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:35:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28823064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxyuevampzxx/pseuds/xxyuevampzxx
Summary: yut lung couldn't stand his own reflection sometimes
Relationships: Lee Yut-Lung & Lee Yut-Lung's Mother, Lee Yut-Lung/Sing Soo-Ling
Comments: 1
Kudos: 34





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**Author's Note:**

> HEYYYY this is my first fic in like . 5 years, im rlly scared to post it i hope its not cringe:( i rlly love yut lung, hes my fav character ever, im just a sucker for angst. i hope this is okay!!

Running the Chinese mafia was hard work. The clock counted down to the end of the day in what seemed like seconds. Hours were spent compromising on deals and negotiating drug routes, but to Lee Yut Lung it all passed in the blink of an eye. Sixteen years old and thrust into the throne of power, Yut Lung handled every situation with ease as the newest head of the mafia. The current goal was to reform Chinatown, to make it safe for citizens to leave their homes during the day. The local gangs had gotten out of control, you know. Typically this would be resolved by the gangs themselves but Yut Lung had a promise to keep.

“You’re going to live,” a voice rang in the back of the Chinese boy’s mind. “You’re going to live and fix what you did.” Yut Lung sighed. He currently sat in his lavish bedroom, resting on a velvet loveseat as a mafioso combed through his long, raven hair. 

“What’s on your mind, Master Yut Lung?” he asked, carefully brushing out any tangles.

“You know better than to ask me that question,” the godfather bit back in reply, voice dripping with venom. “You are dismissed. I can handle the rest myself.” The mafioso mumbled an apology before bowing and making his leave. Left in the solace of his room, Yut Lung made his way to his bathroom. He needed a bath every night or he wouldn’t be able to sleep. He felt grimy and dirty and wanted to tear his skin off. How counterproductive to have my hair combed before I bathe, the raven haired boy thought. I should have that changed. He made a mental note of that before he started the water, stripping out of his complicated robes and putting them away gracefully. He looked around the large bathroom, but it was quiet. The only sound to be heard was the running water coming from the bath faucet. He was left alone once again. Yut Lung knew that nobody could have someone by their side at all times, and he’d rather be alone than with the mafia. Loneliness just seemed to creep up on him sometimes.  
“You meant it when you told him to shoot,” sang the voice in his ears once again. “You really want to die that bad?” Yut Lung cringed and turned off the faucet, sinking into the warm water. He felt at peace like this, enveloped by the soft waves. He felt his sins being washed away, the burning touch temporarily relieved. He pulled his long hair over a shoulder and leaned against the wall. “I don’t hate you. For some reason I could never bring myself to hate you.” Yut Lung’s throat burned as these words ran through his mind.

“Why?” he asked aloud, voice trembling under the strain of his building tears. He had to calm down. He couldn’t let this break him, he had a mafia to run. He finished bathing and climbed out of the tub, draining the water. He slipped on a new robe and walked to the sink to brush his teeth. This was always difficult for him. The mirror above the sink seemed to stare him down as he wet his toothbrush. Don’t look, Yut Lung told himself. You won’t like what you see. However, his selfish side took the reigns. Did his hair look okay? Did he have eye bags? He needed to know, glancing up at the mirror as he pressed the toothbrush into his mouth. It was just a passing glance, see? He was okay. 

He was not okay. He should’ve known better. Yut Lung could never look in the mirror for more than a few seconds and this was exactly why. In his reflection he saw his mother. His mother, who held him when he cried. His mother, who put little flowers in his hair when they had garden time. His mother, who had been brutally torn from his little toddler hands. A sob racked through Yut Lung as he dropped his toothbrush to the floor. Why did they have to take her? It should’ve been him instead! He looked just like her. Just like she did when those monsters violated her and tore her apart. Yut Lung’s hands flew to his hair and pulled at it. 

“They took you from me!” he cried, crumpling to the floor. He couldn’t bear to look in that god forsaken mirror anymore. “Y-You were so young, you didn’t deserve it..!” Yut Lung hiccuped, remembering the early moments he got to spend with his mom. He never really got to know her, he didn’t even know her name. He was too young to understand anything other than “mama,” and his brothers would never tell him. She had only been 15 when she had him. That wasn’t her fault, his father had been a disgusting animal and he knew it. Mom always took him for walks, though. She would hold his hand and tell him to grow up to be a smart boy so he could be successful. Yut Lung was smart and successful alright, but he was broken. He didn’t even know that his sixth birthday would be the last day he would get to play tag with his mother. He witnessed and experienced things he never wanted to. The memories played a violent war in Yut Lung’s head as he wrapped his arms around himself. He tried to soothe himself through the tears, hugging himself tightly. He longed for someone to care about him enough to talk him through moments like this. To bring him out of the dark. 

“Yut Lung?” a voice called from outside the bathroom door. Yut Lung hadn’t even noticed that someone had been banging on the door. He recognized that voice… Who was it again? “I’m sorry, but I’m coming in”

Sing. He could never forget that boyish face and the serious words he had said. Yut Lung felt ashamed that such a young boy had come looking for him and found him like this. Pathetic, curled up on the bathroom floor with tear tracks on his cheeks.

“You’re not pathetic, Yut Lung… I’ll help you up.” Had Yut Lung said that out loud? The younger Chinese boy helped Yut Lung to his feet and kept a careful arm around him to make sure he didn’t fall. Sing didn’t ask what was going on, but he knew Yut Lung was fragile right now. He knew he needed to not be alone. “Do you want to lay down? I’ll braid your hair for you.” Stupid… Yut Lung felt so stupid and weak. Crying like a baby while his younger friend soothed him. He was supposed to be the head of the Chinese mafia, for crying out loud!

“I’m tired,” is all he could manage to say at first. He wanted to push Sing away, handle this on his own, but he couldn’t deny he needed the help. Sing was that extra push that helped him realize that. “Can I have some water?” Sing gave him a gentle smile.

“Sure,” he replied softly. “Let’s get you settled first. You’re shaking.” He was? Yut Lung hadn’t even noticed. Sing tried to wrap his arm around the godfather’s waist while they walked, but the older flinched away. He understood. Yut Lung had always been distant when it came to physical touch, though Sing never really knew why. Yut Lung ended up sitting on his oversized bed, gently taking the glass of water he was given. He had calmed down and knew he needed to talk about what had happened.

“About that-“

“I know,” he was cut off. Sing looked at him through sympathetic eyes. Yut Lung hadn’t been given that kind of gaze in ten years. “Blanca told me everything six months ago. I guess I just didn’t know how badly it was still affecting you… I’m sorry I didn’t check in sooner.” Yut Lung was, to be blunt, bewildered. He had never heard such a… a soft tone directed towards him before.

“You’re… You’re sorry?” Yut Lung asked in confusion. This was getting him frustrated all over again. Where had Sing been the past six months, why was he suddenly showing up now? Why did he sound so forgiving? He didn’t understand! “First you don’t hate me, now you’re apologizing? What’s next, forgiveness?” Yut Lung asked sarcastically. It was always easy to get him worked up. Sing smiled a bit at the sight of his usual self.

“Yeah right,” the younger replied. “I’d never forgive you. Not in a million years.” Sing said playfully. It felt like their usual banter, but the younger boy couldn’t erase the sound of Yut Lung’s cries. “Get to bed, it’s late and you could really use some rest.” Sing decided not to pry. He knew firsthand how badly sticking your nose in Yut Lung’s business could end. 

Yut Lung went to bed. To be precise, he lied down and closed his eyes until Sing went away. He was still processing what had happened. He sighed and squirmed under the silk blankets. If only he had not been born. He never wanted it to be this way. He never asked to be a member of the Lee clan. He never wanted any of this, not once in his entire life.


End file.
